I simply cannot believe that it is 2020! It feels like just yesterday I was getting married and having my kiddos! Obviously that is not the case, considering that my husband and I will be celebrating our 27th anniversary this year and my oldest will be turning 26. Time has a tendency to fly by.
When I looked back at my blog I discovered that it had been an extremely long time since I had an entry. 5 months ago to be exact! What the heck?!?!?! So I caught myself racking my brain, trying to think of why it had been so long since I blogged. Well, life has been just a little crazy to say the least. About the time I thought I would have time to sit down and do it, something happened and I didn’t get it done. This is a vicious cycle that I am intending to break!
So here I sit, at my computer, with my fireplace and the National Championship Game on, typing away. Then it hits me. Fear and anxiety. Fear of what the reaction to my post will be or if there will even be a reaction. Anxiety of what to write about to draw in my readers. Of why people would even be interested in what a crazy, 46 year old, pastors wife, who is not known by anyone, would write.
I’m going out on a limb and praying that God will give me the right words for the audience that He is drawing to read it. Here goes!
So in my earlier blogs you may have read about my anxiety and depression and how I haven’t been enjoying life much over the past few years. At the beginning of 2019, God laid the word “loved” on my heart. That was the word that He gave me for 2019. I was skeptical. I remember thinking “yeah right, 2019 will be the year that I feel loved”. Then as the year went on I did feel loved, more and more as the year went on. I hadn’t felt that kind of love in a very long time. Not only did I feel loved but He also restored my joy! I finally felt joyful going to church and hanging out with people! I could finally enjoy worship at the church again! God had healed me from the junk that was holding me back! He healed me from the hurt I had experienced. He had shown Himself to me in a fresh, new way. I am forever thankful for Him giving me the word “loved” to hang on to. I definitely needed to feel that way to make it through the year.
Moment of honesty
I had a few times throughout the year when I did not feel loved, that I felt abandoned, that I felt hopeless. Those times were nothing compared to what I had just come out of.
But God, being God, knew exactly what I would be going through, when I would be going through it, and provided the right people, at the right time, with the right words, for me. And I am forever thankful for that!
The year was a whirlwind with lots of travel, births, deaths, and people leaving. It was also a year of catching up with old friends. It was a year of challenges, of change and of new things.
The best part about the year is that it was different. It was a year that God helped me to overcome those things that would normally trip me up. He helped me to embrace my place in my family, my church, my job, and my life in a way I never would have thought would be possible.
Looking back on 2019, the good outweighed the bad and for that I am extremely thankful.
I haven’t gotten my word for 2020 yet. God may not have a word for me to cling to and I’m ok with that. I don’t have to have a word to cling to because I have Him!
Not Your Typical Pastors Wife 